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I heard a man once talk about a list that he had made with everything on the list beginning with "Don't cry for me because..." It is a list of all the beautiful and holy and life giving things that he we blessed to be a part of or see and he wanted it read at his funeral. I would like to add to my "Don't cry for me because..." list the fact that I have now lived in a place where the leaves change in Autumn. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arD374MFk4w

I was just at lunch and got yelled at by one of the ladies I work with because I am too thin. She says that she can feel the bones in my shoulders and that I am going to die if I don't eat more. When I got back to my office there were two candy bars waiting on the desk and I was checked on to make sure that I ate them... Life is good. I was also just given a kids book in Bulgarian to help me learn the language. The women I work with are amazing!

If you're not prepared to be wrong you will never come up with anything original -Sir Ken Robinson on Education http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html

Love is more than the relationship between a man and a woman, no matter how extraordinary it may be. Love is ever expanding. Love always grows, not just deeper, but wider. Love always loves people more and always loves more people. Love calls us to a community; love calls us to humanity; love calls us to each other. When we belong to God, we belong to each other. There are no outsiders. All outcasts are welcome. If it isn’t enough of a gift to receive god’s endless and unconditional love, it even gets better than that – he gives us each other. Our belonging to each other is not incidental, but absolutely essential. It was no one less than Jesus who said the proof of God is found in our love for one another. Where there is no love, there is no God. At the same time, if there were no God, there would be no love. Erwin Raphael McManus

The only thing separating a fabulously successful life from one of tragic mediocrity is the ability to commit yourself entirely to something and let it define you. Give yourself. Give all of yourself. Behold I do not give lectures or a little charity. When I give I give myself. - Walt Whitman

10-21-2008 Okay it has been forever since I have said anything but I promise I can explain… So I sent the past three months integrating into a community and getting to know people and just about the time I was feeling pretty good about things it was time to move! That is right, I am sadly no longer under the protective wing of Babba Elka (although she might say otherwise). I am off to make my way in the world, well at least Bulgaria, all by myself and I am now officially a Peace Corps Volunteer! We had a ceremony and I shook some one’s hand, took an oath, and got a pin to wear so everyone knows! I am now an official resident of the town of Nikopol on the Danube River, which forms the border with Romania. I am working in the municipality in the “Economic Activities” department which essentially means that I make Bulgarian flashcards all day long and as of late entertain myself with this wildly interesting thing called “The Internet” that I just got a few days ago. I am told that I will have this Internet thing at home soon enough but things take time here and it isn’t like I am going to die without it so we will see when that happens. In my office there are two other women but there are a couple of other women that work elsewhere in the municipality that spend a good 60% of their day in our office. I don’t know if you can picture it but essentially it is me surrounded by four older women all day long entertaining them with my attempts to speak Bulgarian and holding impromptu English classes every 15 minutes or so. They are my crew and I am going to go ahead and say they would face a pack of wild ravenous dogs completely unarmed for me. I have started calling them mom from time to time in an attempt to convey that I can indeed take care of myself but I am not sure it is really working seeing that my hand is held, figuratively of course, everywhere I go. They are absolutely amazing and I am excited and feel blessed for the opportunity to share life with these women for the next two years! Last weekend everyone in the municipality went on a little weekend retreat up into the Balkan Mountains. It was stunningly beautiful with all the trees changing colors for autumn. We stayed at this little hotel really out in the middle of nowhere and in true Peace Corps form I can honestly say we roughed it. There was no Spa or Fitness Center and we had to make due with only a Jacuzzi and Sauna… I couldn’t help but think to myself that I had a completely different picture in mind when I signed up for the Peace Corps. You know the classically romantic living in a tent with a tribe in the middle of the jungle somewhere. That is not Peace Corps Bulgaria… We have saunas and things of this sort. The Posh Corps if you will. Friday and Saturday night were quite the ordeal on this little getaway. We had traditional Bulgarian meals, which pretty much is a normal meal stretched out over about 5 hours. There was homemade wine and rakia flowing freely from old two liter soda bottles and plenty of music and dancing. There are certain songs that you can play over here and everyone will get up and join hands and start dancing the “horro” right in the middle of dinner! It is actually really fun! Through the course of the night on Saturday pretty much everyone had songs dedicated to him or her and I was no exception. I had a number of 50cent songs dedicated to me and was obliged to get up and dance in front of everyone by myself. It isn’t exactly easy to dance to “Candy Shop” in front of a bunch of older men and women you work with in a manner that is discreet and does not draw attention to yourself. Notice here I did not say it was difficult in general. My lack of self-awareness and the utter absence of a clue as to what is going on in my life as of lately made the dancing quite easy I am just not sure how it as perceived… I guess I did receive a little bit of positive feedback though. Upon returning to the office on Monday I was asked by my “crew” to play “Ayo Technology” by 50cent and Justin Timberlake multiple times and was told that when I return to American in two years this will be the song they remember me by. Please go and listen to it, pay close attention to the lyrics, and then imagine a bunch of women sitting around a computer listening to it and thinking of me… I don’t know how I feel about that yet… Yesterday I went to the cultural center after work with a friend to watch “band practice.” There are a bunch of older men and a couple of younger ones that get together twice a week and toot their horns (literally they all play horns of some kind) and from what it seems talk about “man things” and have “man time.” Tiempo De Los Hombres is alive and well on this side of the world Pops! I learned to play a song on the piano and I think that I am going to start taking piano lessons next week! Ladies watch out because when I come back I will be bilingual and able to tickle the ivory. This probably won’t help me much but it is worth a shot… I realized something yesterday as I watched my friends play their music and joke around and laugh. I was horribly ignorant to think that I was going to march over here and give something back and help out. I am learning, slowly I think, that the world has so much to give and that my friends over here have so much to give. I think one of the worse things that we can do is to get into our head this idea that we are going to go into the world and sprinkle our blessings about. The world, and my friends, have the capacity to bless me with far more than I could every possibly give them. It is humbling to realize this. Giving things is easy. Receiving is difficult, exponentially more difficult. That being said I realize that I am giving something in my time over here and that I will leave an impression but yesterday really helped me see how far off I am and how much I still need to learn. Well it is time for me to get ready for work! I am going to the city today to get my Litchna Carda, which is essentially my identification document that says I am a temporary Bulgarian for the next two years. I went last week but forgot my passport so this is round two! Wish me luck! I love and miss you guys dearly. Thanks for all of your emails as they really do help me get through the days! Keep them coming (it is getting cold here and winter, I am told, is going to be rough)! BK Listen to Vampire Weekend- The Kids Don’t Stand a Chance PS I just got done doing a little role playing with my Bulgarian tutor who happens to be one of the women in my crew. I was suppose to be at a restaurant sitting alone and she came up and asked if the seat next to me was free and could sit with me. I told her it was free and to join me. From there I didn't know what to do so I asked her what she was drinking and apparently that was a pretty forward remark because the situation was reenacted and we all laughed for about 20 minutes...

This is me working in all my glory... As you might be able to tell from the look on my face I don't have a clue what is actually going on. And yes my dictionary is out and close to me at all times!

My crew. I wouldn't cross them if I were you...

So I may or may not have a little bit of time on my hands... I just spent the last hour at work on Amazon.com looking at food that I could get sent here... You have no idea how good you have it!

Ryan Adams is good for the mind and the body... Ryan Adams while meandering down the streets of some far off distant land is good for the soul... I do not understand how that man can make so much good music. I like girls that can sing...

“The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion.” Thomas Paine So here is the thing about The President... (Assuming he does what he said he would) I know you think that Socialism is making a comeback and that America is going to spiral into a black abyss of irrelevancy on the world stage. I know that the man is going to raise taxes. I know that those taxes are going to fall on you. I know that you are going to have to give more of your hard earned money away to the pitiful and lazy and hopeless and derelict. I know that you didn't do anything to deserve this. I know that you worked hard and earned your money fare and square (well most of you did anyways). I know that you think the future of capitalism is in question. And I know that it isn't fair to take what is rightfully yours and give it to someone who obviously doesn't deserve it. But here is my question. It is just a question and I would like to remind you that I am a 22 year old kid trying to find my way in the world... What if that money doesn't really belong to you? I mean I know you earned it but what if it wasn't your to keep? What if when you die you couldn't take it with you? What if the hard work and diligence and intellect that you used to work your ass off and get to where you are in life were given to you? What if everything you have ever been given has only been given to you in order that you might bless the world around you? The houses and cars and clothes and things are nice but what if they really didn’t matter? What if there was something more? I know those aren’t popular questions to ask, but I have to ask them. You see the thing is that despite my heroic attempt to not be I am one of those people. I am one of the fortunate. I like the houses and cars and clothes. I am human and therefore the idea of making a living and paving my way in the world appeals to me. On top of that I know that I have been given such a head start. I am grateful for that. More grateful than I can tell you here in words. But I have to ask these questions because I know that if I am honest with myself I don’t deserve the things I have been given. I didn’t ask to be born into the family I was born into. I didn’t ask to be able to comprehend intellectually challenging subject (and some might argue that I still can’t, and they would probably be right). I have to ask because the shiny toys warm my heart for a season but if I really turn and face them I see their vanity and hopeless temporality. If I am really honest with myself then I can tell you that none of these things are really mine. I can claim them for some time but eventually they will return to where they came from. And here is the thing. I know it is easy for me to say this stuff right now because I don’t make any money and I am young and the world has yet to teach me its painful lessons. I know that things will be different when I am older and it is my money and I am trying to provide for my family and things are tight and the economic situation is horrible… But what if they weren’t? What if we really believed that the world kept spinning and that everything would be okay? What if we really believed that everything outside of love was transitive? What if life didn’t suck the hope and ferocity of youth out of us and what if we held onto the idea that we can indeed change the world? So what if the reason that we are given the things we are given is to bless the world around us? What if we are supposed to sell our possessions and give them to those in need despite the fact that they refuse to help themselves? What if we really are suppose to love our neighbor as ourselves? I knew a man once that talked about these things. Most people thought he was crazy. I have a different opinion…

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you. I never had a selfless thought since I was born. I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through; I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn. Peace, reassurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek, I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin; I talk of love-a scholar's parrot my talk Greek- But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin. C.S. Lewis

This is the chemical factory that conveniently sits nestled right up to the banks of the Danube. It isn't much to look at during the day but at night it makes for quite and interesting display of lights...

11/17/08 Friday was what I would call a “little victory.” A program director from the Peace Corps came to pay me a visit on Friday and I was able to speak on a more educated plane with my colleagues, even if it was through another individual. From this meeting I learned that: I do not have to sit behind my desk and pretend like I have work to do all day long. There is an interest in both the Junior Achievements and Basketball programs that I want to start at the high school. My colleague and Bulgarian tutor works with “troubled youth” which is something I want to do in my time here. I am actually expected to go and get involved in the other establishments around town. Things my colleagues learned (I hope): I am not 12 years old and can actually contribute… (this is still pending) Things I also managed to learn/do on Friday: There is a break dance group that meets after school and they taught me some basic moves and told me it would help with the ladies... I shoveled a pickup truck load of coal into buckets and carried it into a room to be stored for the winter for my colleague. I had a three hour long dinner with the said colleague and his family in which I think I was obliged to drink 4 or maybe 5 different types of alcohol. I was adopted by said family and told that I was their son about 100 times. I am beginning to feel like a real Peace Corps volunteer and that I actually will start to be productive here in the not so distant future!

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So on Thursday I got pretty sick. I am not sure what was wrong with me but I had a killer stomach ache pretty much all day long. After I got done teaching my English class I called it a day and went home early to lie down and hopefully go to sleep. On the way home, one of my colleagues drove me up to my apartment, I was told to go upstairs and in a little bit he would come by with some tea that would make me feel better. I am from Houston and as much as I want to claim that I am a rugged mountain man and love Whole Foods and do the whole natural organic good for me thing, when I hear the word tea I generally think of Twinings or those nifty overly expensive teas I would buy at HEB in college and then never use. As you might have already guessed my friend shows up with four different white envelopes packed with dried plants, these plants to be exact. He shows me how to make the tea by placing the plants into a pot of boiling water and letting them sit for some time. I know you are thinking "Of course! What on earth did you think was in those little packets you buy from the store" but it is funny how until you actually see a thing you don't really think to put two and two together. So I made tea, real tea, from plants, real plants, and it was amazing. And now I feel better.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/26/opinion/26friedman.html?hp We have much to learn...

A Thanksgiving toast: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/27/opinion/27kristof.html?_r=1&hp

This little guy… Let me tell you about this little guy. I crossed mountains for this little guy. I rode through countless little towns and braved the elements. I walked across a city and got lost, multiple times. I searched and I searched and I searched. And then I found. And once I found I paid. I paid far too much. And then I drank. I drank this little guy. And it was one of the more enjoyable 30 minutes I have had in quite some time. Behold… the “skinny” vanilla latte.

This is my friend Toni. 11-32-08 Today the weather was glorious. It was one of those brilliant winter days where you can see the crispness of the air outside and the blue of the sky is enough to send a chill down your spine. It snowed yesterday. There was still a bunch of snow on the ground as I rode the bus home this evening. I am looking forward to seeing everything veiled in white in the coming months. I am sure I will whistle a slightly different tune as I trudge through the snow to and from work everyday but I am still excited. I think there is something euphoric about it, about everything covered in snow and glimmering all white and pretty. It is so pure. Like things aren’t as bad as the are… This weekend was Мъж, or Man, weekend in Belene. A few of us guys got together on the shores of the Dirty Danube for a little basketball and man time. Nothing like sports a few bevreges some food and a night at the discotek to bring men together. O these wild Belene nights… This week on top of my English teaching I am meeting with some students from the high school to discuss starting a Junior Acheivements and afterschool basketball program. I was hoping some of them would speak English but it looks as though I will be burried in my dictionary for the next couple of days trying to figure out what I am going to say to them. The Basketball shouldn't be too hard but I am really curious to see how I am going to go about discussing the formulation of a company and all the business jargon that goes along with it in my hopelessly broken Bulgarian… http://www.thevillagechurch.net/resources/audio/20070415AA01S_MattChandler_TheCrossPt6-Standing.mp3 I am listening to: Evolver by John Legend